2003-01-22 - 10:37 a.m.
OK. Here's my wack-job contribution.
You meet a girl at a casual place on a regular basis...like the gym, a tanning salon, the bookstore...it can be whatever.
Act all shy and sweet so that she thinks you're a really nice cute guy who doesn't know how to approach a girl. Find out what interests her and learn all about it. Make sure you become an expert. This is very important. It will be the key to keeping it all together.
Finally after about 4 weeks of chatting, hint that you want to go out and put the ball in her court. Get HER to invite you out. Make sure she thinks that she's in control. Keep acting shy, or else this won't work.
Once the date has been made, tell her you'll call her around a certain hour and then make her sit by the phone for another 6 hours past the "date time". Tell her that you're now ready to go out. Explain to her that you're really sorry that you didn't call when you were suppose to because you've been getting these "crank" calls from some woman saying she wants to kill you. Explain that you don't know who the cranker is and why she's calling but that you've been talking to her on and off for about 4 hours trying to figure it out. Say you're also a little freaked because you think that someone has been doing some drive-bys while on the phone with the nut caller.
Make sure your date picks you up because you can't drive your souped up Mustang right at this moment. Make sure when she comes to the house all the lights are out so she can't figure out what door to knock on. Make her wait 10 more minutes and come out.
On the drive to your date...let's say the casino...tell her all about your amazing accomplishments..all of which later on she'll find out they are lies because she knows people who know you...but for the moment impress her greatly. Next start telling her about the ex-fiance who left you because she was pregnant from another man's baby. Reaaaaalllly make it good. Tell her how the Ex use to dream about killing you with an ax and that it freaked you out but because you really believed love could keep the relationship going. Tell her that recently the garage in your house and one of your souped-up mustangs (cause your business is to soup-up mustangs) was mysteriously burned up and that you think it was you psycho ex but you can't prove it.
Keep telling her about all the dates you've had since then and how women only want sex from you and you want to settle down.
Explain to her you're in between jobs at the moment, but you have a web-company in the process of being developed for souping-up mustangs.
After playing blackjack until 2am with no care that she has to work the next day, say you're ready to leave because you're finally up $25.
After getting her to drop you off, run out before the car finally stops to avoid that ackward moment of saying good night.
Then don't talk to her for about 2 weeks and then start calling her regularly again.
Another true one ladies......thankfully it was only one date a long time ago. After explaining the wackjob to others we have come to the conclusion with information from some good sources the boy is gay and trying to deny it.
hanging out with high school freshmen is not my idea of a romantic date. - 2004-02-13