2003-12-16 - 2:39 p.m.
The Date I Didn't Know Was Gonna Be A Date
I met this guy through friends, at a party and we hit it off really well. Exchanged life stories and phone numbers. Okay. So fast forward a few days and the buddy, Craig, that introduced me to this guy Karl called up to say a couple of friends were going barhopping tonight, wanted to know if I was gonna join them. Sure, why not, not doing anything more than sitting around watchig tv with my battery operated boyfriend device.
So I get there, see my friends and walk over to them.. Craig, that's my pal says, "Look who's here, Karl!" and steers me right to a table where Karl is sitting, plastered, absolutely shit-faced, not tipsy, tipsy was a couple of hours ago. Karl stands up, wobbles over to me, grabs me in a bear hug and proceeds to tell me how much he missed me, he loves me, he wants me, 'let's get hitched' and 'you shure are soft and smell purrrrrrrrty'. Did I mention that Karl is a pro wrestler, no shit, a card-carrying WWF low-level guy. Strong as an ox and twice as dumb, I just hadn't figured out yet that he was a few brain cells short of an entire celebrium.
I get trapped there with Karl breathing boozy fumes into my face and spouting about how we were meant to be and how happy his momma's gonna be that he and I are gonna get married. Karl's even started talking about four kids and a house.
Finally we hit the dance floor, I figure if we dance he's gotta at least shut up because all this garbage about getting married is starting to seriously frighten me. BIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigggggg mistake..
The DJ spins a slow song and Karl leans into me, grasping on hard with one muscular arm, pulling me into him like we're superglued together. I swear I could almost feel if he was circumsized by how tight he was gripping me. But that's not the worst part. After the song started he put one hand on my ass and started pulling my mini skirt up over my ass, exposing my thonged rear to EVERYONE in the bar. Everyone roars laughing and I cannot get away from this clown! I can see that the DJ is laughing so hard he's crying as he spins first another and then ANOTHER slow song while I get felt up and ass exposed on the empty dance floor. Towards the end of the third song I managed to knee Karl in the nuts and ponce off. I never could go back to that bar and Karl called so much after that night that I had to change my phone number.
hanging out with high school freshmen is not my idea of a romantic date. - 2004-02-13