2003-06-11 - 3:27 p.m.
Make A Wish Gone Horribly Wrong
I was sitting in my house after a hard day of doing nothing, chilling, having some liquid libations and watching MTV. I was scoping to see what boy band had replaced me and my buds on TRL.
I hadn't even taken a sip of my Colt 45 when there came a knock at my door. These two dudes came in, wearing nothing but their underwear. A big goofy-looking guy, looked like he ran away from one of those boy bands. But the other one looked even odder than that Steve Buscemi dude, kinda tiny, dark and shriveled. They said they were from the Make A Perverted Wish Foundation and they'd come to have a three-way with me.
Yeah, I did write the Foundation when I had my tragic accident in the Cosmonauts training program training for my cancelled Lance In Space television special. I tried to bang a Russian hooker during an S&M session in the zero gravity room. The hammer and scythe came down too hard and I lost my foot, my leg and my career in my band, Nsync. I also contracted that fatal Russian ailment Samovar Syphillis and only have six more months to live.
I tried to explain to my guests that I'd signed up for Make A Perverted Wish for the express purposes of a threesome, but a threesome with WOMEN, not dudes. They refused to listen, dragging me screaming off the sofa and into my bedroom.
It's hard to protest when your mouth is full I soon discovered. My mumbles were ignored and they had their way with me.
Every position, every act. No mercy!
The only escape was to fake my own death while they kept doing it on the floor next to my bed as I lay there like an inert corpse.
hanging out with high school freshmen is not my idea of a romantic date. - 2004-02-13