2003-03-28 - 5:43 p.m.
1518.17 in reply to 1518.15
Ooooh! Ok. I've got another one for ya. It wasn't a blind date but it was pretty scary. Come to think of it, I don't know why I didn't have the guy arrested....
One of the things I'm into is Harley Davidson bikes. I melt when I see/hear/ride 'em. Well, in one of my previous jobs, I constantly spoke with this *ahem* gentleman that rode a Harley. One day he invites me out on a date-starting with a ride to dinner. Who on earth could resist?! I ran outta the store and had to go back and get my jacket and house keys..
We started out with Thai food (started my love of spices-also saved me from a dog bite..more on that later). We rode this glorious cycle down the street, my chest poked out (and that in and of itself is a sight, believe me), over-sized helmet wobbling on my head. I was just too cool for myself, lemme tell you. After we eat, he tells me he needs to get something from home. This is when any sane person would see humongous red flags being waved by 60ft. women in day-glo orange jumpsuits. Me, I was completely clueless and said with a bright smile.."OK." The grin he gave me should have chilled my blood then. Of course it does now, but fat lot of good it did me then. I thought it was cool.
We hop on the bike and ride off into the sunset (or Rockaway, NY). He pulls up in front of his house and as we're walking up the stairs, this freaking horse of a doberman jumps up into the front window, teet the size of fire hydrants, Cujo-like foam dripping from his lips. My natural instinct was to run but he took my arm and said-"Don't worry. He's harmless.." Humph! So was Cujo at the beginning of the book/movie. He gives The Big Angry Dog some command and the dog sits down and smiles. We walk into the house and he tells me to make myself comfortable. I sit down on the couch and he walks into the bowels of the place and leaves the dog sitting in front of the door. Glaring sign again, I know now (flapflapflap goes the flag)..
After about 10 minutes, I'm wondering where this guy is. Little did I know..:-|. I hear his footsteps and I get up thinking we're finally going. Out he comes, naked as a jaybird, carrying a mirror. He proceeds to invite me to join him in some unplesant recreational occupations. I not so politely decline and turn to walk out the door. Cujo decided that my hand would be a tasty treat if I continued to reach for the doorknob. Stomach completely wrapped around my throat, I turn to this guy who is happily sitting on his couch enjoying the contents of his mirror and laughing at his dog. He then proceeds to tell me about how being naked is a good thing and that more people should do it-including me. At this point, I'm ready to chow down on Cujo and take my chances.
Well, Harley Davidson-The Mirror Man finally starts coming down and is extremely sleepy. I didn't know what he was using and didn't care. All I knew was that he was falling asleep! As soon as I heard the snores, I bolted towards the door-forgetting that stupid dog! All I see are teeth, foamy lips and glowing coal-red eyes. I get a Bright Idea!! Give him the thai food Mirror Man had brought home. What did I care if this psycho's mutt got spice poisoning?! I was almost home free!!! I dropped the food on the floor and the stupid dog starts eating it. After about 10 seconds, he starts panting and mewling. I started feeling sorry for him until the psycho stirred on the couch. Then all I did was pray that the dog would decide to find a far away water source (toilet) within the next few seconds. Miracle of miracles-he did! As soon as that dog moved from the door, my butt was out of there. I ran down the block-5:00am in the morning looking for a cab, cop or bus. I found the bus and went home.
Mirror Man came into the store that day to see if I wanted to do it again sometime-as he had fun with me...!! I guess the look of utter revulsion and horror on my face answered that question because I never saw the creep
hanging out with high school freshmen is not my idea of a romantic date. - 2004-02-13