2003-01-22 - 7:29 a.m.

How NOT to treat your date.

When you meet a girl at a bar you find attractive, go up to her and introduce yourself. Tell her she is the prettiest girl you have seen in a loooong time. Proceed to enter "MoJo" style ranting about how wonderful you are, your accomplishments, your new house and car, etc. Brag, brag, brag. Make up stuff too, women love that. Then ask about her so you can get all the details so you can find her again in case she doesn't come home with you THIS night. Act really interested in an almost psycho-like way. Now, GET HER PHONE NUMBER. This is very important cause you're gonna need it when you call her like 15 times this week to ask her out. Now, if she does not come home with you (obviously playing hard to get) Make sure you call her the following morning to see how she's doing and ask her out for the night. When she declines your invite- start to BEG. When she still declines hang up and try again in an hour or two. Women love this. Then when she declines again, start telling everyone you know that you are "dating" said girl. Now this is where the fun starts. Go to her house for a surprise visit. Send her flowers. And keep telling everyone in town that you are going to marry your new girlfriend. Make sure you even tell the hairdresser of the girl's mother about this so "mom" will find out who her son in law is about to be. Keep up with the calls, average about 3 per day. KEEP PESTERING till she caves in and agrees to go out with you. Now that she says she will go out with you "just this once", plan an unforgettable date with her. When it's time for the date, dress real nice, bring her by your house FIRST as to impress her with your belongings and show her your STABILITY. Touch her a lot and try to hold hands. Women love this. Then bring her to a nice restraunt in town and continue to talk about how great you are. Maybe then she won't notice you look like George Castanza, a little younger, with smaller hands and feet. After dinner surprise her with the best part. Take her to a strip club. Yes, that's it, women love this. Get her a seat right up at the dance floor and give her a wad of dollar bills. Watch her joy and amazement at your creative date planning. Don't really talk to her once your here, pay attention to the strippers, but make sure your date is getting some stiff drinks. This will make getting her clothes off later a lot easier on you. When she asks to leave, act dissapointed, but go to the car. Assume she want's to go back to your place and head in that direction. When she objects, grumble something under your breath and then take her home. Try to stick your tongue down her throat before she gets out of the car. Women love this. Then call her the following morning and beg for date # 2. She's really diggin you now I promise!

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******I must tell you that this is a TRUE story that actually happened to ME about 10 years ago. I'm NOT kidding here- Unfortunately. EVERY last detail is true. Ask my mother.******

 

 

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hanging out with high school freshmen is not my idea of a romantic date. - 2004-02-13
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