2003-01-20 - 2:58 p.m.
How bout this? A guy did this to me!!!
Show up at her house in leather and chains from head to toe (or any other fashion completely different from what you wore when you met her) looking like you just polished off a cocaine breakfast; pasty skin, bloodshot eyes, etc.. This will throw her off balance for a second but she'll think you have a sort of James Bond mystique about you. Make sure to stare at her all night, like a bird eyeing the worm its about to suck into its beak. When she asks why you're doing it, be sure to explain that you read in a magazine that its good to make eye contact on dates. During dinner, start fidgeting and admit that you lied about your age when you met her, but only by one year. While you're at the movie theater, watching the little popcorn men dance across the screen before the show starts, start blurting out stories about the strange sexual perversions of your "friends". Talk about your one friend's penchant for stealing his roommates' dirty underwear and your other "friend" who only wants to have sex with his girlfriend while she's sleeping. Keep telling stories about your cousin's friend's nephew's uncle's brother-in-law....follow-up all stories with the reassurance that she will meet these people. Be sure to come back to her house after the movie and stay way past your welcome until 3 or 4 am. If she stops talking to you and then pretends to fall asleep on the couch to get you to leave, use that time to stare at her in the bird-like fashion described above. When she finally kicks you out, ask for date #2 and then be sure to ask HER to walk YOU out to your car which is parked some distance away. Hey, its the big city and its late, not safe for a young man to be walking out to a car alone.
hanging out with high school freshmen is not my idea of a romantic date. - 2004-02-13